October 12, 2011 - We got the best gift we can ever have. I am pregnant. Actually, it was the night before when I had the pregnancy test, I was so excited because I was delayed for more than a month. (Although I am irregular, it never happened this way, so can I just say that I expected this) That night, I was disappointed to see that it's not what we expected. And then the morning after, I was just so ready to go to work when suddenly, I looked at the PT, and then what I saw made my heart skip a beat, there were two lines, meaning - it's positive! I was just too happy to tell my husband about the good news. (I swear I even saw him close to tears)
And so, just like any other expectant mother, I go to my OB and had my check up. I really took good care of myself, since this is our first baby. There were so many things I avoided like riding motorcycles (my husband used to accompany me to school, where I work, with his motorcycle), walking too fast (I am a fast-walker actually, so they say), and of course, the stress (but tell me, can I really avoid that?)
And then, that gloomy day came....
It was Friday afternoon when I got blood spots, I asked my co-teachers about it some of them got worried but most of them told me it's normal. And so I didn't panic but then, I am worried. I also asked my cousin who is a nurse, she told me not to worry. I also planned to go to my OB but she didn't have a schedule on that day but the day after, which is our school field trip. I opted not to come but I already made a promised to my niece that I will bring her along. And, I also told myself that it's not that serious, maybe...
November 19, 2011 - One of the dates that I will never forget. Aside from the fact that this is my younger brother's birthday... This is also the day that I lost my baby... our baby.
I don't want to go into details, what had happened in Star City. I just couldn't elaborate more and remember that moment when I am in pain and didn't know what will happen.. and during that time, I didn't want to imagine the worst thing that can happen.
My husband and my cousins, went to Star City to tag me along and brought me to my OB. (Thanks to Cavitex, it took us just an hour to arrived at the hospital)
I had my ultrasound... when I told her (the OB-Gyne) what happened she just said "Ay nako neng, nakunan ka na."
I didn't know how to react I just told her, "Wag naman po sana."
And then what she said just made me think that it's really over.. "Wala na o." , while I'm looking at the monitor.
After that, my OB told me that I have to be admitted for "Raspa".
Can somebody just wake me up from this nightmare?
And then, it happened. My first ever hospitalization. My first "swero". I remember how cold it felt. Maybe the air-conditioned or I was just so nervous.
It's exactly 23 days after it happened... I am now resting at home. Having my maternity leave for two months.
Honestly, I still can't believe it happened. Acceptance? Of course, I already did - that moment in Star City.
Just like what I posted in facebook, "One moment can change everything, one wrong move, one wrong decision can change your life forever... we may have lost something but I know that God has a better plan for us... sabi nga nila, kung para sa 'yo, sa 'yo talaga. Maybe it's not yet the right time."
Yes, maybe not yet the right time... maybe.
It's just so ironic, that no matter how I stop, other people's life just move on.. Just like the part that I remember from one of my favorite novels, "Tuesdays with Morrie". No matter how much you feel hurt and depress... other people will go on with their own lives... leaving you frustrated and hopeless.. so you might as well, go with the flow and move on...
